Living like A Normal Human Being Part I of II
Sorry for the long delay in between posts but it’s been a very busy 2 weeks. Since May 30th we’ve had the new floors installed and laid the marble entry. We’ve finished painting every room in the house and laid carpet in one of the guest rooms. We’ve also purchased the Granite tile countertops and Travertine backsplash tiles.
Now, for the story behind all the work that’s been done. Last Friday, after the floors had been up for one week, we scheduled the flooring people to come out that Saturday. So, I knew I had to clean out the garage because it was full of old sheetrock and laminate flooring. I took Friday off and decided to hire some day labors to help me move all the crap in the garage to the local dump.
Keep in mind I’ve never hired day labors but I have a friend who has lots of experience with this sort of hiring process. So, I called him and ask for his opinion, which usually consists of “Dude, come on its easy don’t be such a pussy. Go get you some MESICANSS and get’er done”. So, after the encouragement I decided to rent a trailer and go to the local Home Depot (HD) and see what I could get for 8/hr.
I must have smelled like work because as I drove up HD they spotted me like a two dollar whore on 5th avenue window shopping at Gucci! As soon as I hit the parking lot they started running towards my truck. Seriously, I felt like the ice cream man, ya know when all the kids would come running up to the truck! Anyways, as I tried to step out of my truck there were literally 20 guys crowding me saying “what you need, what you need?” I was like “Yo, STEP BACK! STEP BACK!…ocho dólares que una hora de acarrear basura!” what did I just say? Excuse me? Oh yes, I spoke Spanish and I spoke it well!!!
Anyways, as soon as I said that many we’re trying to get me to come up to 9 an hour but I was hell no, all you’re going to be doing is hauling trash. Come on! What was interesting was these two kids, I say kids but they were like 20, dressed fairly nice, ear rings in their ears, semi nice shirts, and designer jeans were like we’ll do it we’ll do it. But something told me that they wouldn’t work very hard. They didn’t have that desperation in their eye to work. Know what I mean? How hard are they willing to work in their nice clothes?
Suddenly I noticed this quiet man in the back of the crowd saying I’ll do it for 8. Boom! That’s all I needed to hear and I said you! There, you come with me. As I said that he started to point to the guy next to him saying “mi amigo, mi amigo tambien!” and I said to his friend “ocho dólares que una hora” and he said si si! Ok you two! Let’s go! As we started to pile in the car the crowd began to quickly disperse much quicker than I would have thought to be normal, when all of a sudden a sheriff drives up on a golf cart.
The first thing I thought was Oh shit! I’m busted!
But he just asked me if this was my car and I said yes and he said “Well I’m not trying to stop anyone from working but it’s illegal to hire people on HD property. You can’t do that here.” “Oh” I said, “I’m really sorry. I’ll just leave then.” “Ok” he said and I got into my car and looked at my two new employees and point to the curb just down from where I was parked. I started to drive towards the curb when I noticed 4 guys were running to my car. Two of them being the ones I picked out and two others. I rolled down my window and was like no, not you, NO MAS, NO MAS! Culado!
Next thing I know I’m driving to my house with two Mexicans in my car!! SWEET! I told them that if they worked hard I’d buy them lunch and pay them well. They worked hard so I bought them lunch. We, I mean me, actually had a good time. I tried my best to speak Spanish to them and we came up with a term called escoba loco, the crazy broom. I was looking for my broom but didn’t know where it was so I asked them how to say broom in Spanish. They told me and then I was the joke for the rest of the day.
And to my utter surprise it only took us 3 hours to completely clean out my garage and dump the trash!
Random Link of the Day
Billy, what are you doing!?
Home stretch..
Well, L and I seem to be on the home stretch of Phase I of the remodel. Last night I pulled up almost 1k square feet of laminate flooring. At first I thought this project would be very difficult and it was going to kill my back. I thought maybe I should hire some day laborers to help but as I started it went pretty fast actually. And in about 2 hours I had almost removed all 1200 square feet of it.
It’s vital to get the old flooring up because we had a high amount of moisture in the floor so the concrete has to dry before they can lay the floor. In addition to that we found out that the flooring we chose doesn’t come with stair nose. So, now we’re going to have to stain a piece of unfinished stair nose and hope that it matches well. Also, the stair nose that comes closest to the grain of the wood we chose is 5/8 of an inch thick where the floor wood is 3/8 thick. That means the layers are going to have to cut the stair nose down to match the thickness of the floor. This should be fun!
Plus, all the concrete in the entry and hallways have to be leveled because it looks like someone added a different layer of concrete which is not only higher than the foundation concrete but it’s really really rough too. So, I’m sure there will have to be a lot of leveling and chiseling out where the rough concrete meets the smooth slab concrete. Good news, on the other hand, is that we’re almost finished with the kitchen. We hung all the doors, painted the interior kitchen walls and I did some electrical which went really well.
I also dropped a gas line down the kitchen wall and accidentally put a hole in the dinning room ceiling in the process. But this project was quite pleasant because what I thought was going to take several days only took a few hours. Man, I wish I knew where my camera was so I could document all this. We tried taking Polaroids but it’s just not the same. Anyways, the gas went smooth as silk compared to our last house which took 3 days to get it right. Guess there are some advantages to owning a house that isn’t as old as dirt!
So, now that the floors are almost all up we’re heading into the final stretch as far as the major construction is concerned. We still have to tile the counters and move the gas cook top but that shouldn’t be too difficult (I hope!). Once the floors are in I think the house will begin to actually feel like home. Right now it still feels like a construction zone with dust dust dust everywhere!
Random Link of the Day
Write an Essay!
Street fighter with Jackie Chan
STREET FAMILY GUY: PETER GRIFFIN VS SAKURA
Labels: House Hunter
Wir lieben Deutsche, NICHT!
Well we’ve been in our house for 3 weeks now and we’re almost done with the walls, primer and painting. We can’t find our camera so I’m forced to use Polaroids to document this lengthy and complicated remodel process. I plan to scan in the Polaroids but that might take some time. As soon as I get them up I’ll share them.
The last time I blogged we we’re just getting started with knocking down walls and L was primering all the walls. We’ve developed a new comment for every time we run into an issue during this triple bypass remodel. Just to get off subject for a second we thought about this and we’re essentially doing four consecutive projects in one swoop; bedrooms, living room, dining room and a kitchen. When you stop to think about it its boggling to think that in a mere 3 weeks we’re almost half way done!!
Anyways, as I was saying about our new saying. We've begun saying “F@#king Germans!!” every time we run into a problem with the house! Now, we don’t mean to offend any Germans out there. They’re nice people, great food ( I think), nice cars (VW and Audis) but the people we bought the house from… good gawd! Just they way they did things makes you scratch your head and say “WHY! Why good lord did they do that!” Just for example, there is a recess in the main living room. The dining, kitchen and main hallway all surround the recessed living room. Cool huh, yeah it is but, but, when they installed the laminate flooring they decided to glue down 2 sheets of laminate on the vertical part of the step and butt the rest of the recessed floor up to it.
Now, you might think “hmm, that’s weird but not that weird.” Well, let me tell ya, they didn’t use just any type of glue they used “Liquid Nails” on the concrete and in-between each board. Therefore, when removing the wood I had to remove pieces of concrete just to get the first layer of wood off. To top that I had to go out and get a 4 foot long crow-bar (called The Destroyer!) just to get those pieces of wood (laminate) off the concrete step. Now when I lay my wood down I have to use some leveling material so the wood doesn’t bend or crack when it’s laid down. F@#king Germans!
Did I mention the “remodeled” master bath shower floor tiles have begun to crack? I was taking a shower the other night and suddenly I heard a small “pop” sound under my heel. What was that? I look down and low and behold the ceramic floor tile cracked. Well, we can’t use that shower anymore!! F@#king Germans!!
As you can begin to tell this is becoming comical to us. L and I simply laugh and say “just add it to the list”. Now, I wouldn’t want you all to think that this house is what could be called a “Money Pit” because it isn’t. These things are generally typical with remodels but as our friend Sushi J says “I’d rather build something new any day than remodel!” Amen to that J, we can attest to that statement but we knew what we were getting into, and honestly, it has and still is quite fun to remodel this house.
Random Link of the Day
Star Wars
Labels: House Hunter
Let the Changes Begin!
Well, we officially moved in this past Friday and immediately started the process of redoing the house. This is of course after my “What the hell did we just do?!?!?” Friday evening panic attack. L had to reassure me that the blinding colors would be gone in the morning.
Upon starting the updating process we decided to save the master redo until we finished the main part of the house first. I’m sorry to say but we cannot find our camera via the mountain of boxes in various rooms and therefore are not able to document the changes we are making. So, I will begin with an itemized list of the things we’re changing and you can just use your imagination!
- Primer both guest rooms, living, breakfast, laundry and kitchen (including ceilings, doors and all cabinets)
- Knock out hallway wall dividing dinning room
- Knock out 45 degree angles dividing kitchen and living room (possibly add reinforced structure to breakfast/living room span)
- Rewire electrical on both walls
- Sheet rock, float, tape and sand all new walls
- Texture kitchen walls
- Remove all cabinet doors and drawers
- Primer kitchen cabinets doors and drawers
- Repaint ever wall (cabinets, doors and drawers) with primer in the house
- Add additional chair railing to breakfast room
- Remove all baseboards
- Remove laminate flooring
- Run gas down kitchen wall for new stove
- Install new front door
- cut and trim bushes outside
Random Link of the Day
Professional wrestling is super real
Labels: House Hunter
One down one to go!
We closed the D house today and that was an awesome experience. It was awkward at first, meeting the person who bought our house but after a brief moment it passed. She seemed like a very nice person, considering what we had to go through last night. We had to go back to the D house and re-clean it because the realtor said it was “filthy.” First, we don’t live in filth and second that place was clean. No, you couldn’t eat off the ground but come on lady it wasn’t filthy! I mean it was presented to us that this was a deal breaker situation and all hell was loose. I mean who moves into a house that is spotless? You always go into a new place and clean it yourself! Besides the trash was coming the next morning and bulk trash pick p is in a few days. When we moved into that place there was a ton of stuff but that’s just how it is.
So, now we have to just close on our second house (this Friday) and we’ll be done! I can’t f@#king wait! We went to see our new house to make sure the people we out 24 hours before we close and low and behold they’re still there. What? You’re still here…this is just incredible. The owner (remember this guy) turns out not to be the real owner because we saw the REAL owner at the title company this morning as we were walking in, and it wasn’t the same guy who said he was the owner. I’m telling ya, this real estate market is nuts. It’s full of liars, exaggerators and manipulators!
Oh we have two bids on this house better get yours in, oh this house is filthy, oh this house sits on a ½ acre lot newly remodeled (but was used as a meth house), and finally Oh I’m the owner and I own several houses in this neighborhood and I remodeled them all. BULLSHIT!
Here’s a bit of advice if you decide to buy or sell your house. Find an agent who is well seasoned and is tuff as nails because you’ll need it. People lie, deceive and misrepresent just about every aspect of what they are selling just to get paid!
Random Link of the Day
The Greatest Long Tracking Shots in Cinema
Oldboy (2003) – The Fight with the Hammer – dir. Chan Wook Park
Labels: House Hunter
Moving is for Suckers!
We began the moving process yesterday and I’m telling ya, this is the LAST time I do that. It took us 8 hours to load our 24ft U-Haul! I remember moving stuff from when I was a younger lad, hell I even remember the last time I moved to my last house but this time.. Yikes. As a direct result from moving, today I am sore as hell, tired and I still have to unpack that damn U-Haul this Friday! I cringe at the fact that I’m only half done and have to unload that stuffed heap of a transport once more!
Man, getting older sucks. Word of advice, if you have the $$ pay someone to move your crap. It’s much better to watch someone lift your stuff than to do it yourself. My motto has always been “Work Smarter not Harder”, cept when it comes to people touching my stuff. Like George Carlen said:
“Your stuff is stuff but other people’s stuff, is shit.”
P.S. thanks to J for helping us get all our stuff into that truck when I thought for sure that it wouldn’t all fit!
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Labels: House Hunter
I like it, no really I do!
L and I drove by our new house this past weekend to check it out and saw the current occupants moving out. We parked our car conspicuously in front of the house on the other side of the street and began to talk extensively about cutting this, painting that when all of a sudden the owner begins to notice us.
He mouths something at me so I roll down my window. He asked if we need help and I told him we were the new buyers. He begins some small talk, talking about how he owns a few houses in that neighborhood. He says he just bought another one a few streets up that he is going to remodel. As soon as we heard what he said we both thought to ourselves, No! Please, do everyone a favor and DON’T REMODEL any more houses!! But of course I’m civil, well as civil as I can be knowing that this dude is totally lying, but non-the-less I listen to him talk about the schools and the neighborhood blah blah blah..
I cut the conversation off with “Well, we better get going!” and he nods and I gesture and that was it. L and I both look at each other as we drive away and say.. “Gawd I hate to see the next house he buys and fixes up!”
For those who've been listening to me and know the condition this house is in will know that I’ve been ragging on this house a lot. I don’t mean to confuse you all so I thought I would let everyone know that I really like this house. It’s just that I can’t seem to get over how shitty a remodel job this person did. I guess I should be thanking him because it’s allowed me to get into a neighborhood I would other wise not be able to get into. But still, the quality of job this dude did is sub-par for a monkey, really.
So, for the record, I cannot wait to get into this house and give it some lurv, some remodeling lurv!! Once we get done with this house it’ll be really spectacular!
Random Link of the Day
BARF-O-RAMA
(L and I rented Stand By Me, one of the greatest scenes!)
Labels: House Hunter
